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User blog:Fedora Lord Para 348/TOTAL DRAMA PARABATTLE: Episode 1, Part 2
(All 26 campers, as well as Wiz and Boomstick, are still on the beach, facing the center of the island.) Wiz: Out there is the dining hall, where we will meet every day before challenges for you all to compete in! Boomstick: It's also where you guys get to try some of my famous home-cookin'! Hope you guys like Southern food! Sonic: Does that include chili dogs? Mega Man: But I am a robot. I am not required to eat. Or is this also an "expression"? Wiz: (Pointing outward, toward the other end of the island.) This is the shore of elimination. After each challenge, the losing team will vote off one of their members. Those voted off can never return... ever. Kirito: Does that include- Wiz: Yes. Vash: But what if- Boomstick: No. Wiz: Any questions? Danny: Yeah, wh- Wiz: Good, looks like we're all ready to go! Everyone, follow us to the dining hall, where you will get your guys' first meal, as well as get your first challenge! (Everyone goes to the dining hall. There are a two tables, one red and one black. Team Winners are sitting at the red table, and Team Losers are sitting at the black table. Everyone has what appears to be fried squirrel on a plate.) Lloyd: I, uh... I've never had squirrel before. (Holds up fried squirrel by the tail.) Boomstick: It's Mama Boomstick's favorite! Gilgamesh: I deserve... much better than this. (Shoves his plate over in disgust.) Doomsday: (Roars as he eats his fried squirrel whole.) It's not that bad! But Superman's blood tastes better. Vash: That poor squirrel... Goku: Mm, food! (Devours fried squirrel and burps.) Anyone not going to eat their squirrel? Danny: Uh, sure. (Slides his plate over to Goku.) Samus: (Takes the squirrel and stores it in a secret compartment in her suit.) I may need this later. Samus: Where I live, you had to hunt your own food. Sometimes it was some sort of alien life form which could be poisonous; probably was. Squirrel? No problem. Metal Sonic: (Stares at the squirrel, then fires a red laser beam from his eyes, instantly vaporizing the squirrel.) Maka: ...That guy still scares me. Soul: Eh, like I said. I still think he's all hype. Wiz: Alright campers! Your first challenge begins in only thirty minutes! Sonic: Aw yeah! This is gonna be fun! Tabuu: ... Sonic: Do you ever say anything? Tabuu: ... Madoka: First challenge? I hope it's not hard... Lloyd: Ah, we'll be just fine! It's our first challenge, how hard could it be? (Cut to another scene. Everyone is standing in the woods, surrounded by trees.) Lloyd: ...What are we doing here again? Gilgamesh: Lloyd, you incompetent amnesiac, we're setting up camp. This is where we'll be sleeping for the next few weeks. Lloyd: ...Oh. Lloyd: Our first challenge... ah, it'll be a piece of cake! I've spent lots of nights camping out! Wiz: You guys will each have to set up a campsite, where all of you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. Boomstick: (Draws a line in the dirt with his shotgun) On the right side will be Team Winners' camp, and on the left side Team Losers will sleep! Whichever team has the better campground wins! Danny: Uh, guys? Wiz: Yes, Danny? Danny: I've watched Total Drama, and the campers had cabins and bunk beds. What's the deal here? Wiz: Please, Danny! We can't even afford a good research team for our Death Battles, what makes you think we can afford two cabins that we're only going to use for a few weeks? Boomstick: That's why we teamed up with Rooster Teeth; so we wouldn't go bankrupt! Ruby: Hey, I know them! Wiz: You guys have until dusk to set up camp for the night, starting... now! (A ScrewAttack van drives by, with Jocelyn in the driver's seat and Evil Craig in the passenger seat.) Evil Craig: Get in losers, we're going to watch this (Bleep!) on TV! Boomstick: Aw hell yeah, can't wait! (Wiz and Boomstick get in the back seats of the van, which drives off.) Team Winners Gilgamesh: So. As this team's captain, I demand that half of us go and collect wood for construction, and the other half collect firewood. I shall be the judge of the campsite from there. Raven: Who appointed you team captain again? Gilgamesh: I don't see anyone else claiming the position. Flandre: Y'know, technically speaking, he appointed himself team captain. No one else did. Raven: I think we should vote on who our captain is. Maka: Good idea, Raven. Anyway, we can all vote on who we believe is fit to lead this team, so that we can begin this challenge. Gilgamesh: Fine. I vote myself. Morrigan: Sweetie, you'd make such a good leader~. Gilgamesh: (Grins at Morrigan, who is now starting to wrap her arms around him) You have made a wise choice. Vash: I vote- hey, where did Doomsday go? Lloyd: Yeah, wasn't he just here a second ago? (Suddenly Doomsday comes back with a huge stack of lumber in his arms, which he sets down onto the ground.) Doomsday: You were saying? Maka: ...Wow. Maka: I have to say, I was really impressed with Doomsday there. I took him for a bit of an idiot at first. Soul: ...I still think he kinda is. Maka: Let's see ''you come back with hundreds of pounds worth of lumber in one go.'' Soul: (Sighs) Why are we in the bathroom together again? Maka: (Blushes) I-it's not a bathroom! Vash: I think Doomsday's a good candidate! Gambit: Mon dieu, I am impressed. (Lights a cigar.) Perhaps Doomsday would be a good team captain, no? Doomsday: (Glares at Vash and Gambit) No one likes a kiss-up. Gilgamesh: Okay... anyone besides Doomsday? Morrigan: Vash, Gambit, my dears. Doomsday is a brute; he's our muscle. A team captain requires some... tactical ability. Don't you think Gilgamesh would be good at that? Vash: (Staring at Morrigan) ...Actually, maybe you're right... Gambit: Fair enough. Gambit: (Puffs his cigarette) I know what the ''cherie is doing. And it not working on me.'' Maka: Anyway, why don't we get to building a shelter? (Team Winners begin to construct a shack-hut sort of structure from the wood. It's looking pretty sturdy. Lloyd is leaning against the half-finished shack.) Lloyd: Whew, that's some heavy wood! How did you lift it all, Doomsday? (Doomsday glares at Lloyd, and says nothing.) Flandre: Hey, we're all working our fingers to the bone here. Why are you slacking off? Lloyd: I, uh. Wasn't expecting the wood to be this heavy. Flandre: Riiiiiiiiight. Just take a break. We all understand that maybe you're not as strong as the rest of us. Say, where did Madoka go? (Madoka pokes her head from behind the shack.) Lloyd: Madoka, what are you doing? Are you going to help? Madoka: S-sorry! This wood's so heavy I can hardly lift it... Lloyd: Don't you have a power that can lift it, or something? (Raven is lifting pieces of lumber with her telekinesis, and Sailor Moon is kicking the lumber into position.) Madoka: ...K-kinda... Gilgamesh: Madoka, are you hiding from us? Madoka: O-oh, s-sorry Gilgamesh! ...I should probably get to work... in any way I can... Excalibur: (While pulling wood) Ah, this reminds me of a story. Sailor Moon: A story? Soul: Trust me, you don't want to hear it. Flandre: A story? (Sarcastically) Please tell us all about it. We want to hear. It'll be so helpful to us. Excalibur: Alright. (Clears throat) But before I can get to that story, I need to tell you how I got there. My story begins at the twelfth century- Maka: (To Flandre) Good job. Now he'll never shut up. Metal Sonic: (Eyes redden at Excalibur.) ---- Team Losers Esdeath: Alright, listen up weaklings. You are now under my command. Cinder: What makes ya think I'll listen to you, lady? Esdeath: This. (Waves her hand, freezing Cinder's foot to the ground. Cinder shrieks in pain.) Cinder: OW! That's not so hot of you! Esdeath: If you'd like to live out here, listen to me. I'm a survivalist, you know. Samus: Hey, so am I! Esdeath: (Ignoring Samus) To begin. The strong require little to survive. I base my skills off of a little idea I like to call minimalism. They're constructing a big shelter, but if you're strong enough, all you need is the ground and your wits. Sonic: What if it rains? Esdeath: Then you get a little wet. Sonic: ...I already don't like her. Mega Man: In the case of a hurricane? Esdeath: Are you implying a puny shelter made of wood will hold up against a hurricane? Mega Man: If one was to properly construct a shelter as if- Esdeath: Too much work; you'll exhaust yourself. Anyway. Samus, Kirito, Ruby, Mega Man. You four are our best hunters, so I'll leave it to you guys to find us some food tonight. Danny, Pit, Sonic, Tabuu, you will find us some firewood. I guess that leaves Alucard, Goku, and Laharl. Uh, you guys can build a wall around our camp. Alucard: (Grinning) Whatever you say, icy boob lady. Esdeath: (Also grinning) Good to know we're on an equal agreement. Laharl: I-I'll do anything she says! Just as long as she keeps her- (gulp) huge boobs away from me... Goku: ...Why are we building a wall? Esdeath: So that no one can get in; only us out. ---- Team Winners Excalibur: EXCALIBURRRRRRRRRRRRR!! Lloyd: Okay Excalibur, we get it. You can sing- Excalibur: EXCALIBURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! Soul: It's a bit of a stretch to say that he "can". Vash: Come on guys, can we please get back to building our hut? The other team looks like they're ahead of us right now. Sailor Moon: What?! (Makes an overly dramatic face) Oh no, this simply will not do! Team Winners, we must work harder, immediately! Gambit: I second that notion, cherie. Where could Doomsday be with our wood? Morrigan: I believe he went with Gilgamesh to go get more, sweetie. Madoka: Um, shouldn't we go get some food too? I'm pretty good at hunting- Sailor Moon: Excellent idea, Madoka! Team Winners, let us go get food! Raven: Why does she remind me of Starfire? ---- Team Winners, in the forest Doomsday: (Dragging Gilgamesh by the hair) You wanna help this team?! You get to help carry wood with me! Gilgamesh: Ow, not the hair! You let go of me this instant you vile monster! Doomsday: (Growls) You help me or else. Gilgamesh: Hmm. I ''really don't like Doomsday.'' ---- Team Losers, in the forest Kirito: There's no animals that would work for food in this forest. I swear Wiz and Boomstick are out to get us. Ruby: (Yawns) The sun is going down! And I haven't gotten to slash my scythe once! Samus: Are you two really that unobservant? There are crows flying overhead, moles underneath the ground, a beehive, and a baby deer. Mega Man: (Goes silent) I must hunt for our team! (Runs toward the baby deer) Ruby: No, not the deer! It's only a baby! (Runs after Mega Man) Baby Deer: (Runs off into the bushes) Samus: Ruby, you just scared off dinner for the night! Ruby: B-but, it was only a baby! Kirito: We have to consider the consequences of our actions. Samus: ...How did Mega Man and I, get paired with ''these two?'' ---- Team Winners Flandre: I am so hungry right now. It might be because I've spent too much time in the sun, or because Vash is here right now. Vash: (While constructing the hut) Please stop with these jokes, Flandre, and help us with the challenge! I can't do it alone! Madoka: H-hey everyone, I just caught a quail- (Presents an injured quail to everyone) Maka: Wow, that's pretty impressive! Now all we need to do is cook the thing! Madoka: Y-you mean you're going to eat it? Lloyd: That's kinda the point of hunting, in a survival sense. Gambit: (Places his arm on Madoka's shoulder) Petite, if that quail is to survive, then we may die out here. It just be a way to live. Madoka: But... I don't want the quail to die... (Doomsday and Gilgamesh come back. Doomsday is carrying another load of lumber while Gilgamesh is battered and bruised.) Morrigan: Gilgamesh, sweetie, what has happened to you? Gilgamesh: Nothing much, simply that this atrocious being has let me feel his absolute torture. One day I shall serve him his retribution. Morrigan: Awww... well, we'll patch up those wounds, after we get a hut built and everything- Maka: Alright, Doomsday! Just put the wood here, and we'll get to working! (Vash, Doomsday, Metal Sonic, Sailor Moon, Raven, Maka, and Soul are working on building the hut, which is now getting rather large. Flandre is laughing at Vash while not putting in any effort into the hut. Excalibur is singing and dancing his song. Gambit is comforting Madoka while Lloyd is cooking the quail, and Morrigan is tending to Gilgamesh's wounds.) Excalibur: So how about another song? (Everyone stops what they're doing.) Raven: In the kindest words possible: No. Metal Sonic: (Eyes redden at Excalibur) Lloyd: Ugh, the conditions here are hellish enough without you singing all day. Excalibur: Good to know we're all in agreement! Excalibur! Excalibur- Maka: If we lose, I know who we're voting off. ---- Team Losers Goku: Do we have to build a wall? I mean, how do we get back in? Alucard: I have zero issue with that. (Phases his hand through the wooden wall) How *Bleep*ing awesome is that? I'll have to call the police girl about it sometime. Laharl: You kidding? I can just jump over this thing, no sweat! Goku: Heh, kinda a silly question of me to ask then, huh? (Tabuu comes back with arms full of firewood) Esdeath: Excellent work, Tabuu! Now where are the others? (Sonic, Pit, and Danny are all struggling to move one log.) Esdeath: Aww, do you need help moving that? Laharl: I've got this! (He dashes over to the log and lifts it up with one hand) I think that'll be enough firewood, l- (looks at Esdeath and sees her chest, then quickly jumps in horror as the log lands on Danny's, Pit's, and Sonic's feet.) Sonic: Ow! Watch how you're handling that, Laharl! Pit: Palutena! Help me! Danny: Owowow! Oh well, at least I can heal. Who's Palutena? Pit: Oh, she's my goddess. I'm never without her, and I have no clue what to do without her. I'm Palutena. (Talking in Palutena's voice) Pit, you need to keep pulling that log! (In his own voice) Got it, Lady Palutena! Alucard: Well, that kid ain't lasting very long. But damn, I'm hoping the icy boob lady lasts. (Samus, Ruby, Kirito, and Mega Man return, with a beehive.) Sonic: ...Why do you guys have a beehive? Ruby: Sorry, it was the only food we could find... (anime sweatdrop) Samus: Technically we found lots of food we could have used, but Ruby had to go and scare it all off! Kirito: It was for the greater good... besides, bees make honey, so they probably taste like honey too, right? Esdeath: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world out here. I suppose it will have to do. Good work, all of you. Cinder: I'm still stuck here, you know! Esdeath: Yes, I know. Cinder: Dammit, this is already not working in my favor! Samus: If we lose, I know who's going home today. ---- Team Winners Maka: Alright, our team is almost done with the cabin. So far we're looking much better than the other team! Soul: Yeah. They have bees and a blanket on the ground, while we have a full meal and a hut to ourselves. We've got this one easily. Gilgamesh: Those filthy worms... at least our team actually got some sort of structure up. Morrigan: You feeling better, dear? Gilgamesh: Yes, I believe I've recovered well... I suppose I must be grateful to you now. Morrigan: (Smiles) Good, good. ---- Team Losers Esdeath: And I believe our camp should be perfectly set up for the night. Alucard: Yeah, not to be a bullet in the ass, but the other team has an actual camp set up. We might be done for tonight. Oh well. Anyone want to play Russian Roulette on who's going home tonight? Pit: Lady Palutena, give me guidance on who to vote off tonight! (Doing his Palutena impression again) I believe you should vote off Cinder tonight, as he didn't do anything! (In his Pit voice) Yeah, but Esdeath froze him all day! (Lady Palutena voice) Er, let me think again... Danny: This guy's a bit crazy if you ask me. Samus: Yes I know. But I think we'd be better off if we voted off- Ruby: Oh no, ''please don't say me!'' (Wiz and Boomstick drive by.) Wiz: Huh. Not too shabby here. Got all you need. Food, a place to sleep, even a wall. Boomstick: Donald Trump simulator 2016! Wiz: But, it looks like Team Winners' camp just far outdid yours. An actual structure, real food, a fire, everything- ---- Team Winners Excalibur: Why don't I sing us a celebratory song? Ahem, EXCALIBUR! EXCALIBUR! Raven: Well, we won already so I guess I can't get too annoyed with him- Excalibur: (While dancing, he swings his cane over the fire, lighting the cane on fire.) Soul: Oh crap! Metal Sonic: (Eyes redden at Excalibur, then dashes toward him.) Sailor Moon: Hold on, I've got this one! In the name of the moon, I will- (Before anyone can do anything, Excalibur's lit cane catches the hut on fire, burning down everything.) Wiz: -I changed my mind. Team Losers, you are the winners of today! Esdeath: Perfect, I knew it. Lloyd: What, we just lost on accident! Because of Excalibur, of all people! Boomstick: So tonight, we're going to have Team Winners vote someone off! ---- Elimination Ceremony (Lloyd, Madoka, Vash, Morrigan, Maka and Soul (Sharing a seat), Gambit, Excalibur, Raven, Metal Sonic, Gilgamesh, Doomsday, Sailor Moon, and Flandre are all sitting in their chairs, as Wiz and Boomstick are in front of them.) Wiz: 13 campers, one will be eliminated tonight. On this table, Boomstick has 12 Southern-style marshmallows. Boomstick: Mm-mm, my favorite dessert! Wiz: When I call your name, come up and get a Southern-style marshmallow. The one who does not receive a Southern-style marshmallow must leave on the Boat of Losers, and leave. And you may never come back, ever. Before we begin- Boomstick: It's time for a TOTAL DRAMA ELIMINATIOOOOOOON! Wiz: First up, Doomsday. Doomsday: (Roars as he goes up and grabs a Southern-style marshmallow) Boomstick: Lloyd. Lloyd: Whew, made it past day one! (Goes up and grabs a Southern-style marshmallow) Wiz: Gambit. Gambit: Je vous remercie, Wiz and Boomstick. (Goes and grabs a Southern-style marshmallow) Boomstick: Vash. Vash: Oh, good. (Grabs a Southern-style marshmallow) Wiz: Morrigan. Morrigan: Thank you, dears~. (Grabs a Southern-style marshmallow) Boomstick: Maka and Soul. Maka: Good work, Soul! Soul: Yeah, you too. (They both go up to grab the Southern-style marshmallow, but seem to fight over it) Maka: Er, I get half and you get half, okay? Soul: Sure, sounds fine. Wiz: Metal Sonic. Metal Sonic: (Vaporizes Southern-style marshmallow with red eye-laser.) Boomstick: Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon: I have done it! I have survived one day on this island! (Dramatically goes up to claim a Southern-style marshmallow) Wiz: Raven. Raven: Hmm. Okay. (Picks up a Southern-style marshmallow with her telekinesis and levitates it toward her.) Boomstick: Madoka. Madoka: Oh, uh, thank you. (Awkwardly goes up to get a Southern-style marshmallow) Wiz: There's three of you left. The three of you each got at least one vote toward you. Gilgamesh: (Gulps) Excalibur: Hmm, I should be fine. Flandre: Please, I did nothing wrong. Wiz: Next up... Flandre. Flandre: (Winks as she goes up to get the Southern-style marshmallow.) Wiz: Gilgamesh, Excalibur. You two are on the chopping block tonight, for completely different reasons. Gilgamesh, your massive ego kept you basically out of the game all day, and in turn kept Morrigan out for the rest of the day. Excalibur, you basically ruined the entire challenge for everyone. Excalibur: Please, my singing was enough to entertain them. Boomstick: The last Southern-style marshmallow goes to... Gilgamesh: (Nervously sweats and looks to his sides) Gilgamesh: I sure do hope I survived tonight... Excalibur: I am really not worried at all. (Music intensifies) Boomstick: ...Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh: Dear me... it is good that I survived... (Goes up and claims Southern-style marshmallow) Don't you forget it, mongrels. Excalibur: Hmm. Maybe I didn't entertain you all as much as I thought. Well I suppose I should be on my way now. (Singing as he walks toward the Boat of Losers) EXCALIBURRRRRR! EXCALIBURRRRRRRR! Boomstick: Oh, the irony. Team Winners are the ones who lost first. Lloyd: Yeah... ---- Team Losers (Danny, Ruby, Sonic, Pit, Cinder, and Alucard are all dancing) Danny: Yeah, go Team Losers! Sonic: Aw yeah, Team Winners were too slow! Cinder: Go Losers! Go Losers! Ruby, Cinder, Sonic, Pit, and Alucard: Go Losers! Go Losers! Go Losers! Go Losers! Wiz: What new drama awaits us in the next episode of, TOTAL, DRAMA, PARABATTLE? Category:Blog posts